I’m confused and kind of lost about a fulfilment

Many of you know that I led GTA SA:MP game servers and communities about 6 or so years +/-2 years how you want to look at it. The 2-year timespan is because at some point I sold my community to another player because I got sick and tired of the DDoS attacks and controlling the uprisings because the servers were unavailable due to the attacks. But we did everything in our power to defend the server. We eventually got it even available to players with 120ms pings. Normal pings were around 50 at that time. But for our players, it was so unplayable. So when I sold the community I still stayed active and developed the server because modding the game server was my hobby and passion. It was kind of tiring but also energizing to the soul. I got a fulfilment feeling from there. After some time I still left it finally and started developing a game server for GTAV. It had a very rocky start because all the ambitious platforms I used got shut down by Take2 after some months. I think in total I hopped from one to the other up to 6 times or so.

At some point, I started to study at the university and did not have the time at all for the hobby. Now when I have finished university, got a job and have caught up with my projects more. I have some more time and returned to the modding GTAV code but I do not get the same exciting feeling from it. It feels kind of dull and then it follows with a kind of sadness because I do not know what gets me excited.

Like do not get me wrong, my personal life in everything such as my relationship with my wife, friends and job and so on is better than ever. I and my wife have plenty of exciting projects yet to come and are soon to be set in motion. But the problem here at hand is me as an individual – the thing that gets me personally interested.

At this time I have realized that I just have to give more time to think about it. Because there is a solution I just have not found it yet. The feeling just sucks…

Leave a Comment